Lessons on Love

I have loved and lost.

How may I know it was love, you may ask.

I do not know, but after all these time, the people I've had a relationship with still enter my mind time to time. While I no longer feel any wish to be with them, I do wonder where they are now in their lives, if they're happy, if they're successful and I bear hope that they're happy.

So I guess, I must have truly loved them at some point or another.

The last relationship was so painful for me.

It's the first time something in my life really crashed and burned and swiveled out of my control, the first time I fell out with someone so thoroughly, going from talking on an everyday basis to not talking at all.

It really sucks, and up till now, I'm still mind-f*cked. Seriously a 'what the shit' and 'omg' moment in life.

I still have him on Facebook, but truth be told, I don't click on his profile at all. I unsubscribed him, and there it is, the empty shell of a relationship once lived. Now we are doomed to be strangers forever.

Some people ask, who are you able to control yourself from seeing how he's doing? The truth is cos I'm a coward and I just don't want to be reminded again. The potential pain from any further hurt and heartbreak does more than enough to hinder me from clicking his profile.

Anyway, for anyone who's still in pain from whatsoever gone haywire,

Time heals.

It really does.

It no longer hurts. People still bug me about it at times but there's no feeling left.

Which is like, yay, hooray!

Anyway, my love life is a desert now.

While there are people who have confessed and tried to get close to me, currently I would say I haven't felt the presence of the one person who will be my next.

Maybe he's around me, maybe I haven't met him yet, who knows?

I'm in no hurry, because now I know, I must be more cautious in love.

Having done a little bit of dating, I must say I don't like the concept of dating at all because I'm monogamous. That means that I choose one guy I like and I don't put him as a second option or a bench warmer. The whole dating concept of 'many fishes in the sea' just does not appeal to me at all.

Traditional or narrow minded, maybe. But it's just me, and I'm hoping I'll meet someone with the same views, or if I don't, then it's ok.

I'd rather be single than be in the wrong relationship.

Ok after all my rambling,

just want to say, I'm glad I got a chance to learn lessons on love.

If I had perfect love all the way, then I wouldn't really know what love is, what I want from love, how to love and how to appreciate love right?

So here's my lessons on love.

1)

First off, I'll say that I hope to be less petty.

I think I used to act like a princess in some ways.

I would expect the guy to always message me first, to always be the first priority, to always be tops in his life.

While I should be a priority, I probably should be more understanding.

So, in my next relationship, I'd be less demanding. Have less mood swings.

I used to be really upset about the whole whatsapp issue. When I saw his last seen, but hasn't received a reply, I'd feel really unhappy. And I guess that causes the other party to feel stressed and unhappy and the relationship will go downhill.

Although I was right about the whatsapp time stamp (he really was messaging some other girl, boohoo), I hope to be a much more secure individual so that I won't be affected by this sort of petty issues anymore.

I want to be in a relationship with trust.

2)

Secondly, I'd be more cautious with my love.

Whenever I fell in love in the past, I'd throw caution to the wind. The guy gets to stay over anytime he wants to.

I love the feeling of having him beside me. I really do. But I think I won't be so liberal anymore, because perhaps a more respectful type of relationship, which comes with some boundaries, will result in a more lasting relationship whereby both parties will not take each other for granted.

3)

Lastly,

I will give more space to the other party. I will not be fearful of pending troubles and issues. I will learn to live my own life, and our lives. To be independent but coexistent at the same time. So that we can both grow in our own ways.

----

Ok, perhaps I am being idealistic. But it's the general guideline for my next relationship should I enter one.

Right now I'm just enjoying being single and bettering myself for my other half.

And you know what, being single is really pretty cool.

It's a great chance to get to know yourself better, to reflect on yourself and choose the person who's best suited for you.

I'm sure that for all of us, we will know him/ her when we meet that person.

Ganbarimasu!