Easy come easy go

Hello.

Today I'm here to blog about my previous love story. Which crashed and burned. Haha.

I've been procrastinating blogging about it. Cos everytime I plan to blog about it, memories come flooding in. And I don't want to have a single bit of longing or sadness over it at all.

Am blogging about it today because I just found out he got together with the girl he cheated on me with.

Not that I didn't predict it and not that it wasn't expected. But yea wake up call for me. Slap in my face. Reality.

Part one of what happened, typed below.

This is from my point of view so ya. No hard feelings.

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Generally I've been together with you for a year or so.

The later part of the relationship- we were fading. Fights, arguments etc.

But we still decided to fight for it and try. That's what we said. That's what you said. Quite a bit of tears were shed. I thought we were still trying, really. Clinging on the whatever is left, trying to climb back.

We mostly fought over the lack of time and concern you had for me.

When my sister's illness was diagnosed, I told you I was upset. You did not even bother looking for me to comfort me. Instead, you asked me if I would die if I didn't see you. I was so upset. You looked me up anyway, apologised. Told me you will try to be a better man for me.

I believed you.

It got worst. Once, when I happily looked for you after my work at your place, you told me I was 'fucking disgusting'. Cos I was wearing a slightly low-cut top.

P.S I wasn't even wearing a push-up bra.

Big fight.

I went for a week long Malaysian road trip after that. Almost broke up after that. Didn't though. Continued fighting.

Anyway, fast forward to January this year. I went with you for your family reunion dinner. You even kissed me in front of your family when your dad dropped me off at my house after the dinner.

Little did I know you were already cheating on me then. There were signs, but I chose to ignore it and believe the best of you.

I blamed myself. You told me you need someone unselfish. I told myself I should give way to your ambitions if I love you. You told me you can only meet me once a week. You told me I was too bored after work and thus I kept looking to you for company. I kept thinking about how I was to blame, how I should be a better person. I couldn't sleep well. Kept thinking I had to do something to keep us going.

Ah, was I a fool to feel so?

So, one day, after praying about our relationship, I trampled upon a whatsapp conversation you forwarded into your email. Apparently, you changed the girl's name, 'Grace' to a male friend's name, 'Charles', in your phone and it was reflected in the email.

Somehow I had to click on it. The content made it obvious that it is not Charles. Haha. The contents of this first conversation I read?

You went to Grace's house to look for her to gym. While I was away in JB with my friends. You hid it from me, and told her to hide it from everyone else too.

Grace asked you if I was the same as other girls. You said I am the same as the rest of the girls. But not her, she was different from the rest of 'us'.

You guys flirted. Something along the lines of how you ain't handsome. But she told you, you have character and qualities that made you awesome too.

I called you immediately to confront you. You did not admit to anything. I didn't tell you I read everything. You lied straight to my face. You admitted about the gym incident finally after I told you I know all about it. Told me she was just as a friend and because you guys stayed in the east, you hung out before some party.

I threatened that I wanted to see your phone on Saturday when I met you. You said ok. We went to sleep.

The next morning I had an insane sixth sense to check your email again. Apparently, you deleted your whatsapp conversations on your phone and emailed the newest conversation to your inbox. This new converation was even more telling.

You guys flirted. You asked her out for supper. You guys talked about sperms. You told her to have faith in your sperms. You asked about her womb. You told her she needed an older man like you to guide her along. And more stuff which was obviously crossing the boundaries.

Once I read it, my heart dropped. I already knew what to do.

I did what an irate person might do- spammed you with messages about how I know about everything already. And I called you like 17 times? HAHA. You refused to pick up.

Haha. Ok for the above I want to say sorry. I was too pissed off so I can be somewhat scary too. And I'm sorry for snooping in your email account. But if I didn't, you would never have told me the truth that you have been cheating to me. So ya. Forget me, I'm only human and I don't deny I was at wrong for doing the above too.

Anyway yea you still continued to deny everything. Told me there's no other girl. Told me how you feel love is not a fairy tale. Told me you never asked her out for supper one on one. Told me you don't even talk to her on Whatsapp, you guys simply messaged each other about work a few times.

YA RIGHT. Did I mention that your whatsapp is always last seen at like 3am. You always send me screenshots of your conversations with the guys with the last reply at like 1am. I knew something was wrong. I just didn't pry for reasons for the sake of the relationship. And because I believed you.

Ok so I consulted my friends. Showed them the conversations to make sure I wasn't over-reacting. Tried to make you admit it to me on your own accord. You continued lying. You even editted your whatsapp conversation from 60kb to 25kb and sent it to me as proof.

Ok. Dude I already have your conversations. Thanks for the effort to hide it from me though.

You could have just told me you liked someone else. And ended it with me. But you chose to cheat and lie. Your choice. I gave you umpteen opportunities to come clean. I would have walked away graciously. Let you and her be. You didn't. You even told me you will not fall in love for a long time to come.

Anyway my friends all told me to confront you on Saturday face-to-face. I couldn't stand it so I called you and told you I read your emails. You told me I was invading your privacy. You hung up on me. Told me the exact words below:

"Your feelings for me are pending zero."

"You were only with me cos of my sister."

I told you ok. Put down the phone.

You then sms-ed and whatsapp-ed me to ask if I'm alright. I didn't reply. You called. I told you I'm fine.

As mentioned, sorry about that. You see, your privacy involved hurting me. I had to read it for my own well-being.

What if you stuck your tongue into her mouth, and then into mine, and she has AIDS? Ya. I shouldn't experience the spillover effect.

Ok so after that call. We didn't speak. Until Saturday you came to find me after my work. When I saw you, I asked, what's with all this? You asked me, "You think you're fucking smart huh."

As a matter of fact I don't think I am smart. You are the one with the high CAP. I'm just not dumb enough to play this deception game anymore. Seriously.

Anyway we hung out that night. Shared a last good bye kiss.

Not the last time I saw you though.

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I will blog again.

Going off for supper later (: