Element Woman

First day of school again.
I don't really like to go to school. Oh holidays, why did you have to go?
Textbooks are killer too, they cost a bomb.
Stats textbook alone costs 50bucks.
But I'm glad I got the Sociology textbook at a low price. I don't mind used texts at all. Thank you for selling it to me (:

Was surfing the net & I found this funny. Those who took Chem will surely know what a data sheet is right? Here's an element to read about- Woman.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET
ANALYSIS

Element: Woman

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic
Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

Occurrence:
Found in large quantities in urban areas with trace elements in outlying regions

Physical Properties
1. Surface normally covered with film of powder
and paint.
2. Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly.
5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure if expertly applied.

Chemical Properties
1. Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones.
2.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Explodes spontaneously
without reason or warning.
4. Greatly increased activity when saturated with
alcohol.
5. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Use
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

Tests
1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when found in their natural
state.
2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

Hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2.
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each
other.

source: found in tumblr.

lols! I suspect it was written by a male.